0.2 hours played
Written 3 months ago
Reviewing positively for the tangy soundtrack from the ever-delicious L33tstreet Boys. But otherwise, oooooh, baby… here we go. Roommates is like that meal you thought was gonna hit the spot, but when you finally take a bite? It’s like biting into a stale, rubbery piece of bread. You know when you’re at a diner and you order the special, thinking it’s gonna be fresh and satisfying, but it turns out to be some canned soup dumped into a bowl with a slice of processed cheese on top? Roommates is that bowl of mystery soup. It looks good on the menu, but when you dig in, you’re left wondering, ‘Where’s the flavor?’
Gameplay:
Alright, let’s talk gameplay. Now, Roommates is supposed to be a dating sim, right? A hearty, fulfilling meal of character interaction and decision-making. But what you get? It’s like ordering a gourmet steak, and instead, you’re served a microwaved frozen dinner. The gameplay is boring. Choices? Sure, they exist—but they don’t stick to your ribs, ya know? It’s like picking out toppings for a pizza and ending up with just plain cheese. No sauce. No flair. No zest. You get a little nibble here and there, but it doesn’t leave you satisfied. It’s more like you’re chewing on a tasteless cracker instead of digging into a juicy, flavorful roast. No real depth. No real complexity. Just one bland bite after another.
And let’s not even talk about the repetition. You’re gonna be stuck with the same old ‘wake up, talk to a roommate, maybe make a decision’ routine, like a bowl of cereal every single morning. Sure, it’s easy to swallow, but there’s no variety, no excitement—just dry oats with zero sweetness. It’s like expecting a delicious cake and getting a tasteless, soggy muffin that you can barely choke down.
Characters:
Now, let’s look at the characters, and oh boy, talk about a mishmash of ingredients. You’ve got your standard trope-laden roommates: the shy one, the party animal, the brooding loner. It’s like ordering a salad that’s got lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers—but no dressing. No crunch, no excitement, just limp leaves. The characters don’t come together as a flavorful dish; instead, it’s like a buffet of bland ingredients that don’t complement each other. You know when you go to a restaurant and you order a pasta, but it’s just noodles with no sauce? Yeah, that’s this. You can tell they were trying to make something, but they forgot to add any spice or substance to make it pop.
And speaking of ‘popping,’ where’s the personality? It’s like someone took a basic cheeseburger and forgot to throw on the lettuce, pickles, or any of the things that make it a real burger. These characters don’t have layers. You’ve got the quiet one, the party-loving one, the sarcastic one—but it’s all surface-level. No seasoning, no real connection. They’re like pre-packaged deli meats: you’ll eat them, sure, but you’re not coming back for more. They’re like cold, sad leftovers sitting in the back of the fridge waiting to be thrown out.
Story & Writing:
And here’s the thing about the story. Roommates is supposed to be a slice-of-life, character-driven game, but it’s like a slice of bread with no spread—just dry, boring, and flat. The writing is like a weak soup. You know, the kind that’s watered down with no richness? You sip at it and just think, ‘Why did I bother?’ You get a little bit of flavor here and there, but it’s mostly bland broth. The dialogue feels forced, like someone just threw a bunch of random ingredients together and hoped they’d make a dish. But they didn’t. It’s like making spaghetti and forgetting to add the marinara sauce. You’re just left with naked noodles. Where’s the zing, the sizzle? Where’s the flavor explosion?
The whole plot is like a microwaved frozen pizza. It’s so predictable it might as well be a bland cheese sandwich. It’s safe, it’s boring, and it’s definitely forgettable. There’s no kick, no spice, no sizzle to the story. It’s just... eh. A soggy slice of bread that you force yourself to finish because you don’t want to waste food. You go through the motions and just wait for something interesting to happen. But nothing does. It’s a dish that should’ve been left off the menu.
Visuals & Aesthetics:
Let’s talk visuals for a second. It’s like looking at a plate of food that’s been sitting out for too long—everything looks kind of lifeless. The character sprites? Flat, like the bread at a low-quality deli sandwich. The backgrounds are uninspired. It’s like someone put the same picture on the wall of every restaurant. The graphics are as bland as a fast food burger without any toppings. It’s all fine, but it’s not anything special. I’m not getting that ‘wow’ factor, you know? It’s like biting into a piece of pizza and realizing it has no cheese, no toppings, just dough. The art could’ve been the secret sauce, but instead, it’s just a bunch of dry, unseasoned ingredients slapped together.
Overall:
So, here’s the deal. Roommates is like a meal you were hoping would be filling, but it’s really just a snack—one that doesn’t leave you satisfied. It’s the type of game that promises you a five-star dining experience, but instead serves you a frozen TV dinner. It looks good from a distance, but once you start eating, it’s just bland, unseasoned food that you quickly lose interest in. It’s not the worst, but it’s certainly not worth the time. It’s like a frozen pizza that’s been sitting in the back of the freezer for months—nobody wants to eat that. Joey wrote this by the way and asked me to post it because he doesn't own the game, I do, but we have shared libraries.
I’m giving Roommates a 1.5 out of 5 stars. I wouldn’t even serve this at a family dinner. It’s a disappointing plate of nothing—like eating a bland, soggy cracker when you’re starving. I recommend you pass on this one and look for a game that actually brings the heat, the flavor, and the substance. Roommates? It’s just leftovers. And honestly? It’s not even good leftovers.
