HIVESWAP: ACT 2

the jade car itself makes the entire game unplayable. sorry

To preface: I am a HUGE Homestuck fan. I've read the comic twice, made my own merch, I run a Homestuck blog, I love that comic. Hiveswap ACT 2 has to be one of my least favorite games of all time. I actually think going into these games with no prior knowledge of Alternia would be better. I enjoyed ACT 1. Joey is a cool character and I genuinely laughed at her dialogue. I went into this game with the idea it would be on par with the first act. Sure, the way she meets the trolls is objectively more boring then "I read your gamefaq and I'm in love but oh well. No. Not in a million years. I struggled getting to the station but that is easily explained by the fact that I'm stupid. We meet our first few new trolls (that aren't Xefros) at the station. And dear fucking god they're all horrible. Oh look! There's an indigo! He has dicks for horns!!! ISN'T THAT SO FUNNY. WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING YET. "But oh dear reviewer! Homestuck has similar sex jokes!" Homestuck's sex jokes are funny in the way that they make sense. Oh this thirteen year old boy is making a dick joke? Fork found in kitchen. And for the joke in the Openbound this is inevitably referencing, the dancestors are clearly meant to be parodies of tumblr users at the time. Hiveswap doesn't have this going for it. Oh and he's a simp. Okay, whatever, maybe the next troll I see will be a good character. I was wrong. Oh she's a cerulean! I love the ceruleans in Homestuck! Oh! Her name is fucking L WORD GAY GIRL? Well okay I guess. And she sells crack? And those are the only two things about her as a character? Is that she's gay and sells crack? LIke that's it??? NOTHING ELSE???????? Look, if I wanted an Alternia where all ceruleans were gay I would just read Homestuck again. The bronze here, Chixie is completely unremarkable. I have nothing negative or positive to say. The clown. The fucking clown. Why does he have man cleavage??? I just don't like to look at him even. Gamzee is more tolerable than this guy. Also, I don't like how Hiveswap and Pesterquest depict the drones. They don't do everything in Alternia. They have two jobs. Transporting buckets to the caverns and killing those who don't provide. They don't hunt down lowbloods, they don't fix machines, they don't do all this shit!!! The rust/bronze car. Cool. Easy. Nothing to really say. Thought the rustie sweeping was a dude. Gold/olive car time. This is our first time seeing a kismesistude in this game! I hope it's a fairly good example for those unfamiliar with the quadrant system. Oh they just stand there and go "GRRRR I LOVE YOU BRO GRAAH" Okay. Alright. I know Homestuck never really gives us a good example of a proper kismesistude, but the team had Hussie's guidance!!!!!!!! How do you fuck up worldbuilding working with the person who made it!!! Half of the things Karkat says are better examples than this! We're coming up on where I quit. The jade/teal car. I think most who stop here stop because of the trial. Not me. I entered the car. And shot my face off with a shotgun when they said that jades are nuns. No. Just no. I stopped the game right after that. No more of this. The two Alternian jades we see in Homestuck have associatiions with the bible yes, but not nuns. Kanaya is kind of just the Virgin Mary junior. Not a nun. Same goes for the Dolorosa. (I'd bring up Porrim but the argument that Beforus had different rules for jades could always be made.) But Kanaya isn't a fucking nun! She isn't sheltered and hidden away! She lives above ground! Nuns can't be in relationships either. And they don't typically kill people. So either she's a REALLY bad nun. OR JADES AREN'T FUCKING NUNS. Secondly, the entire troll race would die out in this case. Troll reproduction is similar to cloning in that when a troll contributes to the next generation, one of the grubs will essentially be their clone. So if jades were celibate. There would be no more jades eventually. Jades facilitate troll reproduction (this isn't nearly as gross as it sounds I promise). So??? No more baby trolls at all??????? Whatever. I really hate this game.

i once followed this games development way back then and now finally got time to play it. really liked all the characters, but the runescape-like fetch quest, backtracking and the ace attorney shit was unneeded. glad i finally got throught with this. recommend only if youre really into homestuck.

I dropped my Hiveswap Act 1 review just now, so I'll follow up with my review Hiveswap Act 2 innit. The simple question is yes/no does the Archmage reccomen-Yes, the Archmagos Recommends. I WANT you to play this game... after you Play Hiveswap: Act 1. For those of you in the future reading this, I recommend you read up on the decade 1990-2000 in America and the rest of the world, and then play Act 1, and then play this. As with Hiveswap Act 1, I was before playing it occupied with real life chaos, though only up to about a month or less than a month after this was released. This had a profound effect on me, and I'd guess also on the writing crew, so I missed a few features (the bee game) in that playthrough which hadn't yet been re-implemented. This playthrough was totally blind, note. I stuck with it to the end, I kept the orange blooded troll on the land ferry for the record. Suffice it to say I was complete absorbed for a few days leading up to the Yuletide with it and every bit of narrative writing hits in a certain way. Maybe there's ways it could have hit harder, but then I wasn't on the crew and they did a good job of it anyway. Pros-Deep, engrossing storyline that keeps you in it constantly until you finish innit bruv. This feels like a good Homestuck game and it feels like your actions have consequences, and serious consequences at that, and maybe you wish you had done something different but you don't know what you could have done different anyway. Alternia's a planet with brutal characters on it but there's also a lot of good characters on it and maybe the characters on it are better than those you'd find in your own neighbourhood. Maybe you'd trust them with your life before you'd trust anyone you know IRL with your life. Cons?-I wouldn't call this a con because partaking in a trial is awful business as a human ANYWAYS. Alone in troll society that WILL happen, it's long and drawn out so if you're about to leave the Goldblood car make sure to save and come back for the long haul. I don't really think there's any real Cons save for that one or three main characters ended up not being featured, though their residences and living spaces might have been. Look just Play Act 1 and then get to this stage m8. Act 3? Wait a while and work on your patience innit, bruv.

jade/teal car sucks bulge and takes up most of the playtime

I PLAY IT EVERYDAY FOR HOURS I LOVE

good

jude harley approves

Clowns